How AWE Can Defeat KIBOSHING and the CONTROL Tendency: A Transformational 3‑Step Reset

Introduction: The Triple‑Threat of Stifling Behaviors

Ever felt your own spark being KIBOSHING‑ed by a boss who shuts down ideas before they even breathe? Or sensed a CONTROL tendency creeping into your relationships, where you (or someone else) try to micromanage every move? These unhealthy patterns can leave you feeling trapped, uncreative, and drained.

Enter AWE – that jaw‑dropping, heart‑expanding sense of wonder you get when you watch a sunrise over a mountain range or hear a symphony that makes your soul vibrate.

What if we could harness AWE to neutralize KIBOSHING and dissolve the CONTROL tendency? In this 3‑step reset, you’ll learn a fresh, practical technique that flips the script, turning awe‑inspired humility into a powerful antidote for dismissive and controlling habits.

Step 1: Recognize the KIBOSHING Moment

The first step is awareness. KIBOSHING isn’t just a harsh word; it’s a pattern of abruptly terminating ideas, plans, or conversations. Think of a meeting where a manager says, “That’s a dead‑end, let’s move on,” without exploring the suggestion. The impact? Creativity stalls, morale drops, and potential breakthroughs are buried.

How to spot it:

Listen for the language – words like "stop," "nix," "crush," or "derail" used without justification. - Notice the emotional fallout – teammates feel dismissed, ideas feel unsafe. - Check the timing – is the decision made impulsively, before gathering data?

When you catch yourself or others KIBOSHING, pause. Write down the exact phrase you heard and the feeling it triggered. This simple journal entry becomes the seed for transformation.

Step 2: Unmask the CONTROL Tendency

While KIBOSHING cuts ideas short, the CONTROL tendency tries to steer every detail of how those ideas are executed. It’s the micromanaging manager who insists on approving every email draft, or the partner who dictates how you spend your free time. The downside? Resentment builds, autonomy shrinks, and the creative spark sputters.

Three tell‑tale signs of the CONTROL tendency:

1. Over‑regulation – you find yourself constantly checking in on others’ choices. 2. Fear of delegation – you believe only you can do it "right." 3. Emotional charge – you feel anxious or angry when you lose the reins.

Quick exercise: For the next 24 hours, observe any moment you feel the urge to intervene. When it arises, ask yourself, "What would happen if I let this person decide?" Write a brief note on the outcome you imagined. This mental rehearsal weakens the grip of the CONTROL tendency.

Step 3: Infuse AWE as the Antidote

Now for the magic. AWE expands perspective, reduces self‑focus, and cultivates humility – exactly what we need to counteract both KIBOSHING and the CONTROL tendency. When you feel awe, your brain releases dopamine and oxytocin, fostering openness and connection.

Practical ways to summon AWE:

Nature immersion – schedule a weekly walk to a park, beach, or hilltop. Observe the sky, the rustle of leaves, the distant horizon. - Artful exposure – attend a concert, museum, or watch a documentary about the cosmos. - Micro‑awe moments – pause to watch a sunrise from your window, or marvel at a child’s laughter.

The transformation process:

1. Pause – When you notice a KIBOSHING or CONTROL tendency impulse, take a 30‑second breath. 2. Shift focus – Bring to mind a recent AWE experience. Visualize the vastness, the beauty, the humility you felt. 3. Respond differently – Instead of shutting down or micromanaging, ask an open‑ended question: "What possibilities does this idea open for us?" or "How might we co‑create this together?"

By anchoring your reaction in AWE, you replace the reflex to dismiss or dominate with curiosity and collaboration.

The AWE‑KIBOSHING‑CONTROL Framework in Action

Imagine you’re leading a product brainstorming session. A junior teammate proposes a wild, “out‑of‑the‑box” feature. Your instinct might be to KIBOSHING it – “That’s too risky, let’s move on.” Simultaneously, a CONTROL tendency whispers, “I’ll need to approve every detail before we even prototype.”

Apply the framework:

1. Notice the urge to KIBOSHING and the pull of the CONTROL tendency. 2. Pause and recall a recent AWE moment – perhaps the awe you felt watching a meteor shower. 3. Reframe: “I’m curious about the potential of this idea. How could we test it on a small scale?” You’ve turned dismissal into exploration, and micromanagement into empowerment.

The result? A team that feels heard, a culture of experimentation, and a leader who models humility.

Homework: The 7‑Day AWE‑Boost Challenge

To cement this new habit, commit to the following for a week:

1. Day 1‑2: Capture one AWE moment each day (photo, note, or voice memo). 2. Day 3‑4: When you catch yourself KIBOSHING or feeling a CONTROL tendency, write down the exact thought and then rewrite it using an awe‑inspired question. 3. Day 5‑6: Share your awe experiences with a colleague or friend and invite them to co‑create a solution to a previously KIBOSHING‑ed idea. 4. Day 7: Reflect on the shift. How has your perception of control and dismissal changed? Write a short paragraph summarizing the impact.

Consistency builds neural pathways; after seven days, you’ll notice a natural tilt toward curiosity and humility.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What if I’m the one being KIBOSHING by a boss? A: Use AWE as a personal shield. When you feel dismissed, take a breath, recall a awe moment, and respond with a respectful, open question. This signals your willingness to collaborate without confronting authority directly.

Q: Can the CONTROL tendency ever be positive? A: Yes, in moderation. Guiding a team with clear vision is healthy, but when it morphs into micromanagement, it becomes a problem. The key is balance – provide structure, then step back to let others shine.

Q: I’m not a "nature person" – how do I find AWE? A: Awe is everywhere – a moving piece of music, a powerful story, a scientific breakthrough. The trick is to deliberately seek experiences that make you feel bigger than yourself.

Closing Thought: From Stifling to Soaring

The dance between KIBOSHING, the CONTROL tendency, and AWE is like a three‑legged stool. If one leg is weak, the whole structure wobbles. By strengthening the AWE leg, you stabilize the stool, allowing creativity to flourish and autonomy to thrive.

Remember, transformation isn’t a one‑off event; it’s a daily practice of pausing, awe‑ing, and choosing curiosity over control. As you walk this path, you’ll discover that the very act of wonder can dissolve the harshest of dismissals and the tightest of reins.

You’ve got this – go out, feel awe, and watch the world open up.